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Dear Santa,
The cologne was appreciated last year, a piquant scent reminding me of a cross between a Chevron station bathroom and a lit cigarette.
I got a problem this year, Nick... times is a bit rough, what with the increase in gasoline costs, my mortgage ratcheting up a couple of points, and the decline in the US dollar, I'm liable to be hard pressed to take part in the traditional yuletide spending orgy.
No sir, this is no reflection on you, but a lot of folks are in a financial pickle that may require us to tighten our belts considerable. All the high end consumer electronics are made offshore, and the increase in their price will downsize my gift giving somewhat.
I was concerned due to the quasi-religious nature of the holiday, that the Big Guy might see me in a dim light and was hoping you might ease him down a bit. I'm more of a Bob Cratchet than an Ebenezer Scrooge, so if he would lay off the Ghosts of Spending Past - I'd appreciate it.
Mr. Kringle, I'm going to short Christmas this year. I wanted you to hear it from me, rather than word of mouth. I'm neither a communist nor a godless heathen, I'm attempting to be an unbridled Capitalist, which may be worse.
We've had a good run in the past, and I still have those plastic army men you left under the tree when I was six, and I assume that Redhead I met on Xmas Eve a couple of years ago was your idea too, all were greatly appreciated. Let me weather the next 18 months in this new role, then I promise to be back in my usual form.
As a side note, your cardiologist suggested that I not leave the milk and cake next to the chimney this year, instead it'll be Tofu and Bran flakes - my apologies, but we've all got to learn to live with our excesses.
Your Pal,
Kbarton10
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Comments (2)
Keith,
Funny you should mention this !!!! My wife and I just had this conversation about gift giving or better said -spending what all the sister laws grand kids should have. I say buy them a book and learn something. What ever it is going to be tight this year for this Realtor.
Need to get better at this investment stuff, hey you have done well !
Nice moves and good posts , you are solid top ten .
What would I like for Christmas ?
good health not only for me for all ( ruff with out it)
loans that are approved (I never believed in sub prime junk)
peace ( sadly many villains out loose )
family gathering & happiness ( duffbeer jr in from CO. )
knowledge ( could always use more)
DuffBeer ( mrs duffbeer makes sure a few are around)
laughter ( lots of it because it is good for you !!!)
Cheers, DuffBeer
Posted by duffbeer | November 24, 2007 11:03 AM
Dear Mr. Naughty NOT Nice,
My Cat uses perfume just like that -
it's o' de Toilette - you didn't
"Re-Gift " that stuff to my CAT, didja?
I wondered where & how she acquired THAT
fragrance and how she even managed to
get the jar open to dump it on herself.
Since when did Christmas start
6 weeks earlier ? Who started
THAT tradition, anyway?
Don't be the Grinch who SHO(r)T
Christamas!
OK.
Sho(o)[r]t Santa in the Foot; it'll
slow the Time-Frame down somewhat.
The non-Thanksgiving INJUNS
always sho(r)t the StageCoach
Horses first. Then Kill,
Burn, Scalp, Rape and Loot @ Leisure.
Catch my drift here, Barnacle Bob -
They EAT Horses don't they, Jane Fonda?
Sell the Loot at the Flea Market
to the folks who won't be asking
any HARD questions about where you
got it from & how - so long as it's
BARGAIN Priced.
Call it the Naval Law of AGARY -
it's legal under InterNational law,too.
Merry XXXmas, you Pirate Norway Rat
Don L. Ferk
PS - I'll nab Tiny Tim's Goose -
Let's DO Lunch - Christmas
PotLuck - Bring a HOT DISH.
As for the Children - W.C. Fields
said he Liked Chidren - Boiled, fried,
Stir-fried, Baked - He LI(c)KED Kids,
Cap'n Kidd.
Bah, Humbug. Your sentimental Blog
has already ruined my Christmas.
Might as well shoot me, Too.
Posted by don ferk | November 24, 2007 11:09 AM